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Real Thing 02-03 (2003-11-19 - 5:33 p.m.) Well, since I started this thing I may as well finish it. Here are the last entries from my real diary, dating up to just recently. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Oct. 29th, 02 So, I�m single once again. I left FL in March, and I just left Jiff (guy I dated from August to October, who turned into a coke head. ) yesterday. I realize now that FL was the best guy that I could ever ask for. I hope that I�ll one day be able to forgive myself for letting him pass me by. He says that he wants me back, but I don�t know if I could let him love me. I never fell out of love with him and I don�t think that I ever will. As I�ve said before�I LOVE YOU BABY!!! Nov. 11th, 02 Well, I�m still single and I still love FL. I�m working for GuitarCo. and it�s a really cool place. I actually love my job!!! Who would have thought that I�d actually love my job!?! Anyways, I�m just trying to get my life together and finally become a person, instead of just an actress. Hopefully, I�ll be able to work that out. Nov. 27th, 02 I think that FL and I may just be getting back together again. Just remember to take it slow in my head. I�m talking to Misstress again and it feels good to have girlfriends again. We did the Christmas photo for work today and it looks pretty good. I got a really kick ass camera 2 weeks ago, and I�ve found a new obsession. I�ve always got to have one in life. I�ve gotta catch up on 15 hours of work so I can get paid for my vacations�finishing at 7:00 sucks. I�m going to a Pink Floyd tribute concert on Saturday night with FL and L J (yes, there are 2 links there, read them both!!!). It should be pretty cool. Until next time. Nov. 7th, 03 I�m waiting for a job interview right now�like always I�m over an hour early for it. FL and I did get back together but broke up after 8 months, then he turned out to have other plans in mind�i.e.: fucking someone else. This is the shit that I found out about a month and a half ago� I�m still trying to get over it, but at night those same stomach-churning thoughts always end up coming back. I was working for GuitarCo. for almost 2 years and love the job, but they�re just not paying me enough to get by. Always remember the guys that work here�they�re great people and not to be forgotten. Misstress and I are still talking and it feels really good to have a female in my life. Someone that�s my friend, not only because they want to fuck me. I�ve been hanging out with MM a whole lot lately, it�s fun but I�m not sure if it could ever really go anywhere. I hope this interview goes well, this job is offering me a few grand more a year and right now anything would help. I moved in with Brunz in August and things are great. We�re getting along quite well and it�s totally awesome having a HOUSE! I just hope that this �bowl� of coffee doesn�t get me all �pumped��I don�t want to walk in there like a coke head. I�m so proud of the company I work for, but they�re just not paying me enough for the amount of work I�m doing for them. I�ve been putting this off for months, and I�ve finally hit the moment where it�s time to choose which road to go down�let�s just hope that I�ll be choosing the right one. 45 more minutes to go�the placement agency is right across the street. I�m in a little caf� right now where the coffees cost $5.00. Oh well, when�s the first and last time I treated myself to a $5.00 coffee? Never, so I think I can permit myself to splurging just this once. God! I need a smoke, these shitty non-smoking cafes. I�ll just have to grin and bear it for another 25 minutes, then I�ll go outside and spark one up. How am I going to get my car back from the parking lot attendant? He�s got my keys and I don�t know how to get back in�go the way you came�back up the block, over and in. I�ll show up 15 minutes�just to show how punctual I am. I think that�s enough for me right now�my stomach feels like it�s going to explode with coffee and nerves�TEHEHE!!! I had Wednesday off�crazy shit. A 2 and a half day week. I may just work late tonight to catch up on whatever I missed. God, there�s still half an hour before I can go to the interview�SHIT! Why do I always get to these kind of things so early?!? Later�wish me luck. Nov. 8th, 03 I�m sitting in my car waiting for MM to get home, and like all men, he�s late. I hate that�oh well, what can you do? He�s got this whole sexual thing set up ready for me and I�m going nuts thinking about what it could be. I think I�m going to have to start up my car because it�s getting mighty cold chilly in here. I just got myself out of a parking ticket�I�m so good I scare myself. COME ON MM, get the lead out!!! Shit�how �sugar daddy� does this look? People are already asking questions that I feel uncomfortable answering. Where the hell is he? Ahhh�here he comes�wish me luck!!! Nov. 12th, 03 Once again I�m waiting�waiting for my second interview for this job�I�ve made it this far�I�ll probably make it all the way�Good for me. Wish me double luck. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Well, there it is. I was so hung up on FL that I couldn�t even see the truth about everything�makes you laugh when you think about it�who�s the desperate one now? Who�s the one calling and emailing and begging? That�s not me anymore and it feels good. At this point I think my life is going in a pretty good direction. I have a few great friends whose advice and opinions I can trust. I live with a great person who treats me like family, and who cares about me. Life is good. |