Real Thing 00-01 (2003-11-18 - 5:52 p.m.)

This is my �real� diary, dating back to 2000. Wherever there are names or expressions that have never been entered in my diaryland diary before, I�ll explain who there are in italic, so no one will be left in the dark. Other than real names, nothing will be changed or erased. This was and is who I am.

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December 27, 00

Well, today was quite interesting. I got back from seeing my aunt and family in Sarnia. It was pretty fun, but I wish Godyn (a guy in Sarnia that had a crush on me) and the boys would have stayed longer to party with Cuz (my cousin and I. I just got off the phone with FL�man, do I ever love this guy. I hope that he�ll stay forever, because this could be the one.

I came so close to loosing control of my car on the way home, that was fucking scary.

I have to loose weight; it�s really starting to bother me. I have to get into some type of routine so that I get used to eating right and doing exercise. I can�t spell very good anymore. I think that I want to go back to school again, my brain in starting to get used to 90�s information.

December 29, 00

I just got off the phone with FL; all I can say is that this is an amazing cigarette�tehehe. Well, this was day two of sitting at home doing nothing�FUCK, I hope that They�ll (the scheduling department for the airline I used to work for) call me tomorrow because I really don�t feel like doing nothing again all day. Well, FL�s coming down in about five days, I can�t fucking wait! He�ll actually be in my home! I�ll take him to see that new Mel Gibson movie. I hope that he thinks that I�m sexy, even though I�ve put on a few pounds. I LOVE YOU BABY!!! Love is blindness, I don�t wanna see, wont you wrap the night around me. Haven�t heard that song for a while�reminds me of all those �bad� days in the past. I have the feeling that They�re going to call me really early tomorrow morning, oh well. I really don�t want to work New Year�s day�I already worked on Christmas. I guess this is just one more year that I�m going to ring in alone, oh well. Jes (a very close friend who moved to T.O. at the same time as me) just got released (meaning released from anymore work during any given month and they wont let me go. Fuck, Asher (DJ friend of mine) is down and I can�t even see him. Jesus Christ, sometimes this job is great, but most of the time it�s pretty much shit. Well, I�ve decided that I�m going to say in Toronto for a while, it�s expensive, but it�s good flying. I think that I�m getting dyslexia. I�m always writing things backwards and all messed up, oh well, life�s a bitch. Gonna read some of my new book.

December 31st, 00

I�m in London right now�Jolly Old England! I�m gonna try take a nap because I�ve been up for almost 24 hours.

January 1st, 00

Well, last night was crazy, I drank way too much and puked all night and this morning. What time is it in Toronto right now? I�m so hung over; on top of that, I broke my thumb. Still fucking hurts. Oh my god!!! I just heard Big Ben ring! That�s awesome. I can�t wait to see FL; he�s coming down tomorrow! I hope that he doesn�t hurt my thumb more! Tehehe. Waiting for room service to bring me my meal, I hope that I wont puke again, because $20.00 for breakfast is kind of steep. God does my thumb hurt! Gotta get dressed now, I just called my mom and it�s going to cost a fortune!

January 16th, 01

I�m going back to Montreal tomorrow! I miss FL so much. I can�t wait to transfer there. I feel bad ditching Jen (my roommate for a while in T.O) a little, but I really can�t live here anymore. Come on, living in the overdraft of my bank account and having my Visa maxed isn�t a great way to live. It�s way too pricie here for everything. God, do I love FL, every time I think of him I smile. I hope that his back starts to feel a little better. Godyn doesn�t love me anymore, oh well, I�ll be back home soon so FL will give me all the �you�re hot��s that I need. All the promises we�ve made, from the cradle to the grave. U2 is one of the best bands ever.

Wow, eight months, and it�s still going strong. That�s amazing. I love you Baby. I hope that I get a good block (monthly work schedule) this month. Jen�s at her boyfriend�s house again. I hope this doesn�t turn into another Misstress, which would really suck. Why can�t I ever act myself in front of girls, or get along with them? I always have to pretend that I agree or change all of my remarks to be politically correct? They�re so weak; I don�t want to hurt their feelings. I can�t wait to see PeeKay! (ex from high school, and still one of my best friends) I�ve got so many other people to call. It sucks, I really only want to see PeeKay, FL and my mom�not in that order. Only FL makes me feel really happy, so he would defiantly be first on the list. My mom always nags, and PeeKay always makes me feel guilty for breaking up with him. It�s been a few YEARS now PeeKay, get over it. I really don�t think that I�m that great of a girlfriend. I really have to get my ears checked out; they�re starting to bother me a lot. I really hope I get my flight. I�m going to read until I pass out. Maybe that way I�ll get to sleep before 11:00.

January 22nd, 01

I didn�t go to work today because I felt really shitty. I guess I�ll have to do some make-up time. Why is it so damn dry in this apartment? Jesus Christ, I can�t wait to get back to Montreal!!! I hop that I do get that transfer soon. Have to get back to FL, have to get back to my life!!! I�m still only 19, I�ve got my whole life to worry about the things that are in my head, it doesn�t mean anything. Got to get to bed, it�s almost 9:30; I have to wake up at 4:00. Good old 5:00 starting time. I can�t wait to see what kind of block I can hold on to this month.

February 6th, 01

I was in Frankfurt this weekend. Out of Narita, London and there, Germany was the most beautiful place I�ve ever been to overseas I think that I�ll stick to working reserve (on call) for a while, I get better expenses and better flying. I can�t wait to see FL, I miss my mom. I just checked the transfer list today and it went down 20 names!!! I hope I get home by August. If not, I�ll just stick with a shitty block and live in Montreal commuting back here until I get transferred.

February 23rd, 03

Well, I�ll be on reserve as of 8:00am. I hope that I get to go somewhere nice that give me a lot of expenses because I need some cash�I want to buy a Palm Pilot soon�I love those things. FL is supposed to come down some time next week. I want to see him and give him some love. Jen might go to Tel Aviv with her boyfriend this weekend. I hope that that�s when FL comes down; I can have loud loving that way. Rand (a second cousin that I stayed with for a few months when I first moved to T.O.) is mad at me now because she feels like I ditched her. It�s not my fault that I have a life other than work or her. Jesus, I guess that if I ever want to move back in with her I doubt that she�ll say yes. Anyways, I have to shower and pack up stuff in case I have a layover, hopefully somewhere overseas!!! Not Narita, it�s way too fucking far away.

March 18th, 01

I�m sitting at home now waiting for Them to call. What a waste of a day. I�ve been sitting here wastin� time.

March 20th, 01

I still haven�t worked yet, and I�m getting fucking tired of sitting here doing nothing. At least I spent the day with Jes yesterday. I finally bought the Matthew Good CD that I wanted. It�s awesome. All the good songs that I like are on it, plus the rest of them are good too. I can�t wait to go back to Montreal. If I get good blocks this summer I�ll just commute. I hope it�s gonna work. I�ll ask Rand if I could stay with her while I�m down on a pairing (when you�re away from your home base more than 1 day). Time is passing so quickly. I have to call people about the apartments of shared accommodations; I have to get somewhere to stay. I�ll give Rand a call today, I missed talking to her. I dyed Jes� hair yesterday, I�m not sure if she likes it. It�s a big change for, brown to blonde. It�s good for summer. The snow is finally melted and the sun is shinning. Get ready for the rains of April. At least things will calm down a bit with the flying. No more storm warnings.

April 10th, 01

This sucks, I�ve been off work for a week now and I�ll be off longer. They think that my gallbladder and liver might be screwed up. I had another attack last night, and I can�t sleep anymore. Didn�t get enough last night. I feel sick. I have to go get an ultrasound and I�m not looking forward to it.

May 2nd, 01

Well, I�m still off work, but I�m going today to get approved to go back. I hope that I still get my vacations. The Manager said that if I book back on to work before them, I�ll get them. That�s pretty good, work for two days, then get my vacations for a month. It�s going to be a year really soon!!! Jesus, I love my baby!!! I applied for an internal customer service job back in Dorval at the airport. I so hope that I get it.

June 10th, 01

I just got back from Copenhagen. And now I�m leaving for London tomorrow morning. I think I�ll have pretty good expenses this month. I moved all my shit back to Montreal yesterday, and I can�t believe how much it cost for the U-HAUL. I�ll know never to rent one of those things again! I�m leaving at 9:00am, so that means I have to wake up before 6:30 to be there on time. Jesus, did I have good lovin� this afternoon. I didn�t get that job in Dorval that I wanted, but a friend of mine did. I�m glad for her, but disappointed for me. My layover is only 14 � hours, that doesn�t give me time to do anything but sleep. I�ll have to check my bags for any liqueur before I leave because customer is pretty crazy over there.

June 18, 01

Guess what? I just got back from London...again. I have a 33-hour layover!!! I guess that my expenses are gonna be pretty good next month. Jesus, 2 London�s and a Copenhagen. I only have 17 hours left to finish my month, not too shabby. I hope I get any block next month, if not I�m going to go crazy. I have a fever and I�m crazy tired. I guess when you reach a certain point of exhaustion it get�s to you this way. I had a pretty good layover. I met a cool Aussi. I�ll have to tell him all about the great places to party in Canada�he was pretty hot. Silly girl�nothing compares to my baby. I can�t wait to see him again and love him for all those times we missed. Tehehe, well, I�m getting pretty tired, think it�s bedtime.

July 18th, 01

Well, I�m living with a few people from the airline now and it�s going well, I just have to buy a bed, because I�m getting tired of sleeping on the floor. I finally got a block that�s not too bad. 2 Calgary�s, 2 San Francisco�s and 2 Kalona�s. FL�s in Frisco right now. He�s coming home tomorrow; I�m going straight to Montreal after my pairing�s over on Tuesday.

I hate early mornings. I miss my baby and this long distance thing is really getting on my nerves. After a year of it, it�s getting pretty old. It�s so hot in here! I have to put up blinds!

July 19th, 01

I finally got my bed and it�s awesome, Paul (a great friend from T.O.) hooked me up with it. Cheap and it�s an orthopedic!!! I�m waiting for Jen right now to get here. Maybe I can get the money she owes me.

September 17th, 01

Well, this was a bad week for humanity. Terrorists flew 767�s into the World Trade Center and both buildings came down. The pentagon got the same. The world is in chaos and I�m going home. If anything warlike is going to happen, I want to be with FL and my family. I�m going home on the 20th. Thank God. I�ve decided to try go back to school next year. I love you baby! Wish me luck, because it�s all up in the air right now.

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I think that�s enough for now�.there are still 2 more years to come. Maybe tomorrow my fingers will be up to the challenge.

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