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Mwah...What's up Doc? (2003-09-09 - 4:54 p.m.) Last night while I was bathing the Doctor called. We talked on the phone for over an hour and it seemed like we were getting along swimmingly. I asked if he wanted to come by for a beer and a movie, and he accepted. Since he had just gotten off work at the hospital I offered to go pick him up. It went straight downhill from there. He was sweet, kind, funny, cute, affectionate and he could play guitar really well (not as good as me). So, you may ask, what�s the problem? Those first five qualities don�t do it for me. I think I�ve gotten so used to having a relationship go a certain way, that when a real price charming comes along I�m totally turned off. He did everything right, but he was just too nice. I need a bad ass; I need to be treated like a bitch sometimes. Misstress and I spoke on the phone until 1:00 in the morning today discussing this very situation. Neither of us could figure out what�s going on in my head. She thinks that it may just be good for me to have a guy treat me like gold for a while, but I don�t see it. I thought that he was sexy up until the moment that he started being too nice. What�s wrong with me? Arg. Lately I�ve had a plethora of men nipping at my heels, and I want nothing to do with any of them, well, emotionally anyways. It still feels like I�m doing something wrong, as if I were cheating of FL or something. I am able to totally disassociate emotions from sex; so when I�m doing something solely physical I don�t feel as bad, since I�m not really giving away anything that important. Maybe that�s why I�m keeping my distance from nice guys�I�m afraid that I�ll start to like them. Maybe I need to have the idea in the back of my mind, that if I date an asshole I�ll always have an excuse if we break up�that he was just an asshole. I don�t know. Maybe I�m just nuts. |