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The Past (2004-02-02 - 10:11 p.m.) Am I playing another one? Am I going to break another heart without so much as a well acted hair toss? This one is nice, he doesn�t want what the others want. He�s actually willing to go through the conventional channels to have sex with me. None of this �fuck first, then work towards kissing�. That�s just fucking depressing. That�s what I�ve been doing for the past few months. And now that the time to �kiss� has come, everything has fallen out the bottom. This guy, only moments ago, actually asked if he could kiss me. You know how long it�s been since someone has asked me that? Years. And it made me feel bashful again�it made me feel good again. It made me feel that it actually mattered how it feel. Fuck, it�s been since high school�that seems like so long ago. Have things really changed that much in so few years? Don�t you remember way back when, when it was enough just to make out? The older you get the more you feel obligated to �finish the job�. Why can�t we just make out anymore? Because I want to! I want to drive back home after making out, with butterflies in my stomach, the feeling of new love. That feeling that so many of us have lost in our bitterness�I know I had. But tonight I think I may have seen a glimpse of that feeling. Sitting here, listening to an old Smashing Pumpkins CD, with that strange and unfamiliar feeling floating around in my belly, I am reminded of those years; lost so long go. Maybe we can change time�we�ve just got to find a way back to our past. |