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Fall Sucks Ass (2003-09-22 - 3:25 p.m.) I was told this weekend (by a complete stranger mind you) that I am bitter towards men. Misstress concurred with this complete stranger yesterday over the phone. I never really though about this before�but when I do, it makes more sense than I would like to admit. It would explain my sexually deviant behavior and need to feel physically attractive to all men that see me, to have that power over them. Some really shady things have happened to me in this young life of mine that Misstress thinks may be major contributing factors to my love/ hate relationship with men. These �things� that happened may be an explanation as to why I feel and act like this, but it doesn�t help me change anything. It doesn�t change the fact that I�m already starting to judge Luke for mistakes that FL made. And for that reason I�ve decided not to see him anymore. It�s not fair to either of us. I�m not even giving him a chance to show me what a nice guy he really is, I�m just reading all this crap into everything he says and does as if he were FL. It�s not right, and I wont subject him to this shit. He�s a nice guy and he doesn�t deserve to be judged like this. They all seem to be the same in my head/ heart�they�ll all play you, they�ll all desert you and they�ll all break your heart�in the end. FL leaving made this concrete in my mind. If such a good thing can go so wrong, then why even bother? Why leave myself open to that kind of emotional punishment again? Arg, I needed to vent, sorry. Fall depresses me, and today being the first official day of autumn, I�m getting glum. I need sushi�that always seems to help when I�m feeling down. There�s just no way that I can feel like shit when I�ve got those chop sticks in my fingers and I�m staring down at a plate full of yummy raw fish. _____________________________________________________ Just a little something I thought would lighten the mood.
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