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In no mood to come up with a sassy title (2003-07-14/5 - ) We all get into relationships for selfish reasons, and that�s usually why they end. Every feeling you have before and after a relationship is selfish, and in between it all depends. FL is being selfish and so am I. All my life I was taught to think about other people�s feelings, to make decisions that wouldn�t hurt other people. So now that I�m looking out for �number 1� I feel that I�m doing something wrong. Every emotion that�s running through my frazzled brain is due to being selfish. If I were really doing anything for FL�s sake things would be very different. This makes me question my feelings for FL�did I ever really love him? If I did, wouldn�t I be behaving differently right now? Friday night I was wallowing in self-pity until I started thinking how selfish I was being, and I was disgusted with myself. Now, after a weekend of regrets I feel even worse. It seems that I�m doing as much as I can to push FL away. Maybe that�s how I can deal with this situation, maybe it�s the worst idea I�ve ever had, I just don�t know anymore. Still seeing FL is toying with every emotion I have right now, and he doesn�t get it. He thinks that things are great the way they are now, but for me, it�s not enough. If he wants all the benefits of having me in his life is this way, but without any commitment what so ever, he�s got another thing coming. I can�t be his �ex-girlfriend, but we still do everything that a couple does�. I can�t keep letting my heart get stepped on. Maybe I�m just going to have to be selfish and tell him to fuck off, or maybe I should stop whining and start changing things. |