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Stupid (2004-02-23 - 10:06 a.m.) After not sleeping all weekend I still wasn't able to fall asleep until 11:30 last night. Let's just say that I'm pretty much on the moon this morning. I'm so stressed out about my appointment this afternoon, I know I've got something, I'm just hoping that it's not as bad as I think it'll be. FL called 3 times this weekend, and even came down Saturday night. He's really worried about me...and so am I. I think I'm going to stop drinking...I think I may have a problem...I've just got to slow it all down...because right now it's spinning out of control. What happened Saturday night was not good�it SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. The worse part about it all is that I can�t, for the life of me, remember anything. When you�re drinking has gotten to the point where you�ll pass out on your feet before you get sick, it�s time to take a step back and reevaluate what�s going on. My father was an alcoholic, my older brother is well on his way�and it seems that with the way I�m going lately I�ll be right up there with the boys. I�ve been waking up bruised and battered, and I can�t remember how the hell it happened. I want men to respect me? Then I�ve got to stop pulling this shit�end of story. It�s time to make some decisions, and time to change the way things are going. Because when it all comes down to it, I�m not happy�and if I�m not happy, what the hell am I doing what I�m doing for? Gah�it�s just so goddamn complicated. I�ve been mentally floating around life for the past 3 weeks�in a daze of sleep deprivation. There�s a reason why I�ve been self medicating so much�and it�s got be examined, not ignored. |