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Break (2004-02-08 - 8:43 p.m.) As it turns out, I didn�t waste my Saturday night. I headed downtown at around 11:00 and found that �fun� factor that I was looking for. I didn�t come home until this afternoon. Should I really give a shit what anyone thinks about what I�ve been doing with my life lately? It is really even anyone�s business? At this point I don�t even care anymore�I�m just so tired of it all. Judge this, criticize that�blah, blah, blah. There�s something wrong, and I don�t know what it is�and I don�t think I want to find out. All that I do know is that I�m not happy anymore. I�m not happy with my friends, I�m not happy with my family and I�m definitely not happy with myself. I feel bad for everyone, because lately I�ve been treating them all like shit�and the worst part of it all is that I don�t care as much as I should. There�s something missing in my life and sex isn�t filling the void�yes, I realize the pun�I�m not trying to be funny. If only someone could see me the way He saw me. He knew me and loved who I really was�all the quirky stupidities, and the horn dog antics. Now all They ever see is a promiscuous 23 year old who has no idea what she�s doing with her life. If I were a man, They�d think I was God. But, since I�m a woman, I�m labelled as loose, or easy or a slut�and I�m sure we can all come up with a few more good ones to add to that list. Can you say double standard? It�s never going to change you know�being a straight woman who likes to have sex with more than one person will never add up to anything more than a whore. And I am one. |