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Worth While (2003-06-25 - ) It�s now time to write about something that I don�t even want to admit to myself. Before I can sort out what�s been going on I have to face it and deal with it, and until now I�ve been trying my best to avoid it. Since FL returned from Italy he has been acting very different. I won�t go into specifics because I don�t feel that they are important. What is important is the fact that for almost 3 weeks I�ve been unhappy. I feel apprehensive and hesitant around him, and I usually end up in a bad mood. It�s as if the real Virtuosic is now suffocating and it really pisses me off!!! I have to tip toe around just to try and keep things happy and non-confrontational, because those 2 things have been happening a whole lot lately. I used to be able to honestly say that weather I was with friends or with FL, my personality would not change, I was able to be totally myself in both situations. Now, when I�m with FL I�m not me anymore, and it�s sad. I�ll be sitting there with him watching a movie or just hanging out and I scream to myself in my head�WHY CAN�T I BE MYSELF ANYMORE!!! And I could never find an answer�until now. Things aren�t the same anymore, and I doubt they ever will be. It doesn�t look like FL wants things to be like they were before, and it definitely seems like something has to change or we�re both going to end up hating eachother. Is it worth it? Should we work on this one more time? I love my life, and FL is a big part of it, but, (in the words of James Gondolfini) �When do you reach that point where enough is enough?� |