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- (2003-06-03 - ) My subconscious has been trying to play tricks on me this past week or so. FL has been in Italy now for over a month and he�ll be returning this Saturday. Everyday that brings his arrival closer is a day that my paranoia and stress levels mount. For the past couple of nights I haven�t even been able to sleep properly, I�ve been having these dreams in which FL is somehow being unfaithful. He has never done anything what so ever while we�ve been dating that would make me think that he�s been cheating. Besides, he�s really not like that. Even after we�d broken up for a year he still hadn�t slept with anyone. Am I feeling guilty due to my lusty feelings for Mr. Sexy? Is it because I had once betrayed his trust and was almost unfaithful to him? I just feel like there�s some kind of impending doom on the horizon, something ominous. Is there really something going on that I don�t know about, is he the best actor since Al Pacino and I�ve been driving blind for the past 3 years? Or am I just blowing all of this gut feeling out of proportion? I am surrounded by so many people who have cheated or are cheating that it may have gotten to me. It�s a really sad thing if you stop and think about it�what�s the point. Should we all just forget about monogamy and start fucking every hard body that we see, never getting attached or feeling needed or wanted by anyone? Should we stay with the same person all of our lives being content in love, but have your soul mate stab you in the back once all the kids have moved out by eloping with a blonde cheerleader who just started shaving her cunnie? There�s just so much emotion that gets invested into serious relationships, and when those relationships go sour those emotions get torn to shreds. Thinking about FL with another woman makes my stomach churn and my heart race. If I stick it out with this guy will I just be asking for years of my own mind tormenting me with the possibility that he�s messing around? Should I swallow my insecurities and let love rule? Why can�t we all just be like the animals�never having to pace around our living rooms while watching the clock on a Saturday night waiting for our significant other to call or come home. Why do we have to care so much? |